Hadhrat Zulfiqar DB 15 July 2015

Hadhrat Zulfiqar db  15 July 2015

Misaali Mom
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    *Expecting Mothers*
1. Eat well: nutrition for herself and baby
2. Half hour exercise 4X a week.
Decrease Csection chance 20%, increase Normal delivery chance 50%
3. Listen to things that are good: Qur'an paak, bayanaat. Child will also get used to hearing the good things. Will develop a ta'lluq with what she/he hears.
4. Baby can recognise sound from 6 Months and becomes familiar with mother's smell in 7 Months. Temperature of 21C ideal for child.

    *Little Copy-Cat*
-1hr baby can imitate mother
-14 Months baby can imitate mother's actions upto 1wk later
- don't argue or fight in front of your child or he will become aggressive when older.

   *Raising a healthy child*
-Comfort your child
-Touch her often
-Talk to your baby a lot
-Read with your child
- from 6 Months Explain new concepts as if in a class.
- from 12M. Talk about pictures in book.
- from 18M. Dramatic change.
- 3 years. learns a lot from books
- 5 years. Independently read.
-Praise your child a lot.
- praise his koshishayn so he works even harder
-Develop healthy sleeping pattern.
-Breastfeeding your baby: better IQ
-Give healthy food. Sit n eat with them.
-Be gentle when potty training.
-Toys which promote seeking and imagination power of brain
-Use play to develop executive skill: how to focus, hold, manage. For example. Airport control room play. How flight lands, how its managed etc. Child's vision will broaden and he will be better in math.
-Ask why, what and if questions from child.
-When child does something incorrectly, don't interrupt immediately. Give 3second lapse before correcting so he realises he did a mistake. And then learns correct method.
-If gives tough time, then try to understand reason. Talk to them n don't scold him. Ask him masla.
   - tired
   - hungry
   - Bored
Decode baby tantrums.
   - be compassionate.
   - Use simple actions.
   - Hug him, soothe him.
   - Don't put in time out corner. There's a reason for it.
If neurotantrum (calculated deliberate behaviour), they scream and shout
   - at that time, don't give what they want
   - make them sit in separate room. No arguments. Be firm on it.
   - use humour to draw them out of this.
   - time out as last resort.
If any qanoon in home, tell kids reason for it.
-If child breaks rule, don't shout. Help them follow the rule.
-Discipline instead of punishment. Teach child what is acceptable and what is not.
-Teach child consequences.
-Don't need to hit child, just come physically close within 1 foot and wo seham jaaye ga
Excessive criticism harmful for child
Teach 5 A+ skills
  - Affection. Appreciate. Anger control. Apologise.
-Teach child to accept responsibility.
-Teach him to repent for mistakes and asking forgiveness.
Develop love for reading in child.
   - Read loud to them
   - visit library with them
   - make reading time pre requisite for play time. 15 min reading then 30 min play
-Teach by example. Following becomes easy  for them

    *How teenagers are*
-They are going through process of individualisation. Reaching puberty, hormonal changes.
-8 hour sleep to allow normal emotional change.
-They only live in present: don't care about past or future
they Behave positively one minute n oppose authority next minute.
-They consider themselves powerful. They can do anything. So take their threats seriously. If he's saying I'll jump off the ceiling if u don't do this. Then he will even do it.
-Their ability to learn is increased. Brain very sharp.
-Change dependence from parents security. -They ask many questions about  Deen, life etc. Don't get offended by their questions.
pre frontal cortex develops a lot. Logical thinking area. Develops exponentially. Brain fluctuating on use it or lose it principle.
they have increased sensitivity to addictions. Smoking nasha etc.

    *Raising healthy teenagers*
-Healthy clearly defined values.
-What can they do, where they can go
-Behaviour: teach them what is acceptable n not
-Manners: teach them to be soft
-Teach them to keep their room clean
Develop sense of responsibility in them. Tell them which house chore they have to do.
-One family meal must together to strengthen family bond.
-Express love to them: even by tongue. Or else they will look for love from other places.
-Appreciate when they feel connected to you.
-They don't care about failing but only about disappointing parents. Parents should appreciate their koshishayn and teach them to work hard on their grade next time.
-Don't compare! This will make them angry n revengeful.
-Spend time listening to their thoughts n feelings.
-Be familiar with their interest n hobby.
-Keep open line of conversation.
-It's not important what u ask but how u ask. Ask things softly to get response.
-Mother should make herself available to them.
-Avoid conversation to them when they are moody.
-Monitor them in such a way that they don't even know they are being observed.
Always know 3 things.
  - where he is
  - with whom
  - what he is doing
-Get to know the people in your child's life: his friends, their parents, teachers
-Observe where they spend their money. This will tell you their thinking.

   *Warning signs of teenagers*
-Poor physical health.
-Drop in school performance
-Wanting to be alone
-Not taking part in activities
-Withdrawal from relatives
Selfies. Taking own pictures.
-Fighting with you at every little matter. Increased conflict.

   *Issues with teenagers*
-If they are rude, stop conversation. Tell them to go to their room n calm down.
-Cell phone abuse: Movies music video chat. Then restrict phone use.
-Don't allow them to put password on phone.
-Computers In public family room only.
-No iPad in room.
-Email account should be known.
-Add your self to their list of friends. If they say no. Then something is wrong. Finish internet usage.
-Keep a log of their activities.

   *important points*
-Handle positive n negative emotion
-Be generous with praise.
-Teach child positive mind set
-Don't say you are a loser . you are a failure.
-Teach them to Develop tolerance.
-Laugh with them. N teach them to laugh at themselves. This child will be flexible.

    *For boys*
-Give help to manage emotions
-They focus more on problems
-Teach them empathy. (Boys more violent due to video games. They hit people in them n lose empathy with them. Bohat maslay ki baat)
-Encourage reading of Books
-Develop high self esteem
-Don't blame them.
-Don't blame their gender
-Teach respect.
-Similar rules for son n daughters.
-Show affection.
-Respect to ur elders.

    *For girls*
-Teach modesty
-Teach to take part in house work

   **Make Dua for them.**
-Allah swt: His Reham practical example- mother in Dunya. She sacrifices everything and doesn't consider it to be a big deal.
She will say I'm not hungry n give up her share. I'm not thirsty n give up her share.
I don't like fish n give up her share of the meal. I'm not tired n give up her sleep for helping her child. I'm happy with a small house, don't need anything. I'm fine, I'm not in pain.
This is the muhabbat that mother has for her child. This is a small zarra of Allah swt's Raheemiyyat.